And the two shall become one Twitter stream… err… flesh

I predict that the use of social media in a marriage relationship will become one of the biggest issues I will be dealing with in marriage counseling in the future.

So writes pastor and counselor Rhett Smith in a recent blog post.  (You can read the post in its entirety here.)  My initial inclination was to rather snarkily retort that he was beginning to sound like those who run around warning that sky is falling every time that it rains.

Thankfully, I resisted these initial urges to respond and rashly spout off my gut reactions.  I say thankfully because tonight, as I ate with my wife and son, I overheard a couple (not-yet married) who were debating proper etiquette regarding cell calls, text messages, and tweets during a date.  The young man took a rather hardline and decried cellphones and all accompanying uses off limits during dinner, although the proper etiquette while at the store or in the moments before a movie were still up for debate.  The young woman, however, felt that while it was rude to talk on the phone during dinner that it was perfectly acceptable to send and receive text messages, as long as it was done discreetly.

As someone who totes an iPhone, I have to admit that I was intrigued by the conversation.  When I first got my phone it rested on the nightstand.  If the phone rang, I answered it.  If it pulsated, revealing a text or incoming tweet- I would venture a look to see what short, pithy message had come my way.

Crystal, thankfully, quickly addressed the issue for what it was- unhealthy.

If my cellphone makes its way into our bedroom it does so only if it needs charging, if we know someone to be near death, or if I am expecting a call which I have previously talked with Crystal regarding.

Texting and Twittering while in a car, out to dinner, or whilst engaged in conversation are something that I have also been guilty of.  Usually I am wise enough to wait until the person that I am with likewise receives a call, decides to respond to a text, etc.  However, Rhett has got me wondering whether such behavior is healthy.

For example, if I am out with Crystal and Quinton is it okay and healthy for me to check my email and send a quick Tweet if Crystal is on the phone with her mother?

Is it okay, if we are trying to make a decision regarding a possible purchase to send a quick Tweet or text message asking for help and/or advice from someone who may have made a similar purchase?

Or, what if I am in the middle of a conversation with someone other than my spouse or child- is this a violation of our relationship and our relational boundaries?

To add fuel to the fire and to the conversation, I would simply add something else that Rhett says.  He writes,

I think one of the greatest gifts we can give someone is our full-attention–full-presence. We may not always be able to be physically present with people, so we do our best to be with them in the best way possible (phone, Facebook, Twitter, Skype, blog, etc.).

But if we are face to face with someone (in a wedding, church service, meeting, etc.), then what greater thing can we do for them?

So, what do you think?

What are the appropriate and healthy bounds for social media (Twitter, Facebook, etc.)?

Are the boundaries different when it comes to your spouse and your family, then with others?

Tags: Rhett Smith, rhettsmith.com, Social Media
Posted in General, Life/Society/Culture, Social Media, Technology | Comments